Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
