Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
