So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
