so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
