So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
