So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
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