i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Randomize
