Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
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