so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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