just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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