Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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