i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Randomize
