it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
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