Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
True college students do jello shots in the library
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
