dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I would ride that face into the sunset
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
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