I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
