She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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