1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Who wears a wallet chain?!
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
