You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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