I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Randomize
