i need an iv and a liver transplant
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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