I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
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