Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
