If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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