i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
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