I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
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