dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
