Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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