I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
