they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
