Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
