you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
