This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
