Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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