At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
