he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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