You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
