he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
