I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
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