the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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