OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
