It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm determined to sit on that face.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
