so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Randomize
