all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
