Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Randomize
