between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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