Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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