Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
