remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Randomize
