I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
