carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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