The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
