God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Randomize
