a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Randomize
